George Carlin Quotes

I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole.

Every once in a while a revolutionary product comes along that changes everything. It's very fortunate if you can work on just one of these in your career. … Apple's been very fortunate in that it's introduced a few of these.

Just because you read it in a magazine,
Or see it on a TV screen
Don't make it factual.

Nobody makes me do anything I don't want to do. It's my decision. So the biggest devil is me. I'm either my best friend or my worst enemy. And that's how I have to deal with it.

This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your lips.
This is the last time I'm asking you why
You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye.

Life seems to me essentially passion, conflict, rage... It is only intellect that keeps me sane; perhaps this makes me overvalue intellect against feeling.

Every day, every year, and for every graduating class, there is a choice to be made, the same option for all grown-ups to make: to be one of three types of Americans — those who embrace liberty for all, those who won’t, or those who are indifferent — and only the first do the work of creating a more perfect union.

You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.

I’m not going anywhere. I’m not retiring. I’m not stopping. I’m just evolving.

Anyone who perceives my message as anti-police is completely mistaken. I have so much admiration and respect for officers and the families of officers who sacrifice themselves to keep us safe. But let's be clear: I am against police brutality and injustice. Those are two separate things.

And it doesn't seem to matter, and it doesn't seem right,
'Cause the will has brought no fortune, still I cry alone at night,
Don't you judge of my composure, 'cause I'm bothered every day,
And she didn't leave a letter, she just up and ran away.

Time is the wealth of change, but the clock in its parody makes it mere change and no wealth.

The people who are trying to make this world worse are not taking a day off. How can I? Light up the darkness.

Cocaine addiction is God's way of saying "You make too damn much money!

I don't really need to stand out, there's room for everyone. Although I haven't built a niche yet, I'm just writing love songs.

It's not my liking for guns, what about the NRA? We all have the rights to bear arms, I have that, I have that same right as you do. Just because I'm black doesn't mean I shouldn't have a gun; I legally own guns.