George Carlin Quotes

Nobody makes me do anything I don't want to do. It's my decision. So the biggest devil is me. I'm either my best friend or my worst enemy. And that's how I have to deal with it.

Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.

Sense of justice is one of the most wonderful ideals of Islam, because as I read in the Quran I find those dynamic principles of life, not mystic but practical ethics for the daily conduct of life suited to the whole world.

We have only one alternative: either to build a functioning industrial society or see freedom itself disappear in anarchy and tyranny.

True peace of mind comes from accepting the worst.

The Unseasonable man is one who will go up to a busy person, and open his heart to him. He will serenade his mistress when she has a fever. He will address himself to a man who has been cast in a surety-suit, and request him to become his security. He will come to give evidence when the trial is over.

In the integrated relational model presented here, sexuality and relational issues are not seen as alternative foci. Rather, sexuality is regarded as a central realm in which relational conflicts are shaped and played out.

Anything whatsoever may become the subject of a novel, provided only that it happens in this mundane life and not in some fairyland beyond our human ken.

He walks in the street, a picture of modesty in his felt hat and his gabardine suit, and all the while he's thinking, "I'm immortal." The world is his, time is his, and I'm nothing but an insect.

Do your worst, you little bastards! Kill me! Do it! Do iiiiiaaaauuugghh!

I could see you in your suit and your necktie
Passed me a note saying, "Meet me tonight"
Then we kiss, and you know I won't ever tell, yeah
And I could see you being my addiction
You can see me as a secret mission
Hide away and I will start behaving myself

Is it not true that no two human beings understand anything whatsoever about each other, that those who consider themselves bosom friends may be utterly mistaken about their fellow and, failing to realize this sad truth throughout a lifetime, weep when they read in the newspapers about his death?

Past and to come seems best; things present, worst.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of property were just what Aristotle did not talk about. They are the conditions of happiness; but the essence of happiness, according to Aristotle, is virtue. So the moderns decided to deal with the conditions and to let happiness take care of itself.

The five worst infirmities that afflict the female are indocility, discontent, slander, jealousy, and silliness.

To accomplish anything whatsoever one must have standards. None have yet accomplished anything without them.