George Carlin Quotes

Success always obsoletes the very behavior that achieved it.

(Imitating Pavarotti) "It is amazing I know it is huge. BEHOLD IT. IT IS GROWING. ALL OF MY PHALLUS IS A SHOWING!

One is telling a story about old times when someone breaks in with a little detail that he happens to know, implying that one's own version is inaccurate — disgusting behavior! (p. 46)

Sense of justice is one of the most wonderful ideals of Islam, because as I read in the Quran I find those dynamic principles of life, not mystic but practical ethics for the daily conduct of life suited to the whole world.

Most people don’t have very many numbers in their address book they use their recents as their address book. Right? How many of you do that? I bet more than a few.

(After Franklin transforms and behaves like The Mask) Oh dear. This is just what he did at Nixon's funeral.

The Unseasonable man is one who will go up to a busy person, and open his heart to him. He will serenade his mistress when she has a fever. He will address himself to a man who has been cast in a surety-suit, and request him to become his security. He will come to give evidence when the trial is over.

Laws are never as effective as habits.

Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and then I smell them like this!

Anything whatsoever may become the subject of a novel, provided only that it happens in this mundane life and not in some fairyland beyond our human ken.

He walks in the street, a picture of modesty in his felt hat and his gabardine suit, and all the while he's thinking, "I'm immortal." The world is his, time is his, and I'm nothing but an insect.

There’s a psychological phenomenon called ‘reactance,’ that means when people believe that their choices are being limited or they’re going to have to engage in costly behaviors, they’re likely to push back against that and the message can backfire.

These bad actors have made a business out of publishing increasingly extreme and hateful content because it makes them money.

(imitating Norman Bates) Mother, are you there? I love you!
I never meant to hit you over the head with that shovel!

I could see you in your suit and your necktie
Passed me a note saying, "Meet me tonight"
Then we kiss, and you know I won't ever tell, yeah
And I could see you being my addiction
You can see me as a secret mission
Hide away and I will start behaving myself

Bandura’s findings were particularly important in 1960s America, when lawmakers, broadcasters, and the general public were engaged in serious debate regarding the effects of television violence on the behavior of children.